By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com Everyone knows about the Mitzvah of honoring parents – it is one of the Aseres Hadibros – the Ten Commandments. Indeed, according to the Gemorah in Kiddushin, it is also one of the natural laws of which the entire world is well aware. But what about step-mothers or other relatives? What about older brothers, uncles, aunts, and in-laws? And, if there is such an obligation, are the obligations the same as to parents or are there differences? KAVOD VERSUS MOREH The first thing we must do is differentiate between obligations that stem from “Kavod – honor” and obligations whose source is “Moreh” or showing awe. For example, the obligation to serve one’s father or mother comes from the obligation of “honor.” On the other hand, the fact that we don’t sit in his or her seat comes from Moreh. Most of the obligations that apply to “other relatives” come from “Kavod.” These issues are dealt with extensively in volume six of a work entitled “LeRayacha Kamocha” by Rabbi Dovid Ariav. STEP PARENTS Let’s start with the step-mom and step-dad. The Gemorah in Kesuvos (103a) tells us that the word “Es” in Kabaid es avicha comes to include the step-mother (see Shulchan Aruch YD 240:21). There is a debate in the Rishonim whether this obligation is biblical, the Rambam (Hilchos Mamrin 6:15) holds that it is biblical and the Meiri (on Kesuvos 103a) holds that it is only Rabbinic. We rule that it is Biblical. The obligation, however, stems from Kavod and not Moreh (See Betzail HaChochma 3:95). Technically, the reason why we don’t call parents by their first names is Moreh – so although one could technically call them by their first names, the Minhag in Klal Yisroel seems to be not to do so. [One should also be careful not to call them Dad or Mom in front of one’s own parents unless one is absolutely sure that they do not mind at all – [Author’s extrapolation from letter #9 of Rav Chaim Kanievsky Shlita.] DURATION OF OBLIGATION The obligation is also only during the lifetime of the parent. After the parent has passed away, the Chayei Odom (67:22) writes that the obligation is only Rabbinic. The Shulchan Aruch (YD 240:21) calls it a “Davar Hagun” – a proper thing to honor them. It would seem that the Chaeyi Odom is actually arguing with the Shulchan Aruch when he writes that it is a Rabbinic obligation. The simple indication of the Shulchan Aruch is that it is a good and proper ethical imperative, but not a full halachic obligation. OLDER SIBLINGS Let’s move on to the older brother and sister. Sister? Yes, sister. But let’s start with the brother. The Gemorah in Kesuvos (103a) tells us that the extra Vov in “v’es imecha “ comes to include the older brother. The rationale is because it is disrespectful for a parent if their descendents are treated improperly, according to the Ramban (Hasagos LeSefer haMitzvos of the Rambam Shoresh 2). The Minchas Chinuch (#33) understands this obligation to be Biblical in origin, while the Aruch haShulchan (YD 240:43) understands it to be Rabbinic. Here too the obligation stems from kavod – not moreh – he may thus sit in his older brother’s seat (although if […]

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