By Rabbi Yair Hoffman Sometimes, we need a 2.0 version of how we approach things –  a veritable reboot, so to speak. The holy mitzvah of honoring parents resonates deeply within the very fabric of our neshamos, touching not just our actions but the essence of who we are as human beings. Everyone knows about this mitzvah – it is one of the Aseres HaDibros. Indeed, according to the Gemorah in Kiddushin (31a), it is also one of the natural laws that the entire world is well aware of. Understanding Different Types of Honor The Distinction Between Kavod and Moreh In terms of technical halacha, the first thing we must do is differentiate between obligations that stem from “Kavod – honor” and obligations whose source is “Moreh” or showing awe. For example, the obligation to serve one’s father or mother comes from the obligation of “honor.” On the other hand, the fact that we don’t sit in his or her seat comes from Moreh. Most of the obligations that apply to “other relatives” come from “Kavod.” Step-Parents and Biblical Obligations The Gemorah in Kesuvos (103a) teaches that the word “Es” in “Kabaid es avicha” comes to include the step-mother, as codified in Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 240:21). A fascinating debate exists among the Rishonim regarding whether this obligation is biblical. The Rambam (Hilchos Mamrin 6:15) maintains it is biblical, while the Meiri (Kesuvos 103a) contends it is only Rabbinic. The accepted halacha follows the Rambam’s view that it is Biblical, though the obligation stems from Kavod rather than Moreh (See Betzail HaChochma 3:95). Forms of Address and Respect The prohibition against calling parents by their first names stems from Moreh. While technically permissible for step-parents, the established Minhag in Klal Yisroel is to refrain from doing so. Rav Chaim Kanievsky zt”l (I forgot where he said it and the only reference I have is Letter #9) cautions about using terms like “Dad” or “Mom” in front of one’s biological parents unless certain of their comfort with this practice. Duration and Extent of Obligations After Passing Away – Obligations The Chayei Odom (67:22) states that after a parent’s passing, the obligation becomes Rabbinic in nature. However, the Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 240:21) characterizes it as a “Davar Hagun” – a proper ethical imperative rather than a full halachic obligation, representing a subtle but significant distinction in approaches. Siblings and Extended Family The Gemorah in Kesuvos (103a) derives from the extra Vov in “v’es imecha” an obligation to honor older siblings. The Ramban (Hasagos LeSefer haMitzvos, Shoresh 2) explains this stems from the potential disrespect to parents if their descendants are treated improperly. While the Minchas Chinuch (#33) considers this Biblical, the Aruch haShulchan (Yoreh Deah 240:43) views it as Rabbinic. In-Laws and Grandparents The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 240:24) mandates honoring in-laws, though debates exist regarding its Biblical or Rabbinic status. Regarding grandparents, the Ramah (Responsa #118) requires their honor, contrary to the Maharik (Shoresh 30). The Minchas Elazar (3:33) even prioritizes grandparental honor above that of in-laws. Practical Implementation: Insights from Chayeinu Magazine The Foundation of Attitude There is an absolutely remarkable magazine that is called “Chayeinu” that is published in Lakewood, New Jersey (chayeinusubscribe@gmail.com). It brings us back to our true Torah values of yester-year.  A recent article by […]