There is a big problem in our midst, and we are all very aware of it;  It is a problem felt by all, and the term “crisis” is no exaggeration. We are witnessing a devastating situation that is seemingly getting worse each day, and for some inexplicable reason, nothing substantial is being done. I am sorry to bore you, but yes, I am referring to the shidduch crisis. Our holy Chachomim made many leniencies when it came to agunos (meeshum eeguno hekeelu). There is a well-known story of one of the gedolai haposkim from a previous generation to whom an aguna shaalah came. He worked tirelessly and delved into the depth of the sugya and all the relevant halachos to try find a heter, but he was unsuccessful and gave up. Soon after, however, he successfully came up with a heter. His talmidim explained that their rebbe’s brilliant mind was unable to come up with a heter but his large, holy heart, which was so pained by the tzaar of this aguna, could find no peace and it compelled him to find a heter. Although a distinction can be made between the two situations, it seems clear that the primary pain of an aguna is her being indefinitely alone. The question therefore is: how can the collective heart of our people rest when all of us know many Bnos Yisroel who are blessed with every possible maaleh and middah and yet they are not being given the most basic chance at getting married? How can the hearts of our roshei yeshiva, our rabbonim and askonim rest for even one moment knowing what is going on in their backyard? How can any of us sleep at night, let alone overindulge in gashmius and taavah while this catastrophe is brewing all around us? It seems crystal clear to anyone with knowledge of the growth of our communities that the age gap is a primary problem as leading Gedolei Yisroel have said. And as Rav Elya Ber Wachtfogel said in a video presentation at last year’s Agudah Convention, preaching bitochon has no place here because the numbers are simply not there. The chassidish communities and even the yeshivish communities in Eretz Yisroel do not have this problem because the boys get married younger. How can it be that nothing real is being done about it? Where are our hearts? Who is prepared to give a din v’cheshbon for this? I am sure that money can help in many ways, and so the question begs to be asked: Why are our gevirim giving tens of millions of dollars to build beautiful shuls in Eretz Yisroel and beautiful buildings in Lakewood while turning a blind eye to the plight of our very own daughters, granddaughters, sisters, nieces, cousins and neighbors? How can this be? How is it possible that we can come together to ban this, that, and the other thing, and yet we can’t get together to brainstorm to find a solution for the plight of our girls? We have mass gatherings and organizations dedicated to everything, but for something as close to home and as excruciatingly painful as this, all we have are a few questions at The Agudas Yisroel Convention and a few letters to The Voice of Lakewood’s Coffee Room. I […]

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