by Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com It was why Yaakov Avinu married Leah before Rochel, and it is something that comes up over and over again. Yet, notwithstanding its frequency, people have only vague ideas of when it is okay for a younger sibling to marry first and when it is not. Some people wonder about the actual source of the practice. Others aren’t sure as to the parameters of to whom it applies. We thus have a list of four questions that pertain to a younger sibling marrying before an older one: • Is it a halacha? Or is it just a good and nice thing to do? • To whom exactly does this concept apply? • What is the source of this halacha or practice? • Are there, in fact, any exceptions to this rule? PLEASE HELP A WONDERFUL BAALEI TESHUVAH COUPLE GET MARRIED. WHATEVER YOU CAN GIVE WILL HELP. PRUTI PRUTI MITZTAREF. https://thechesedfund.com/zechornilah/weddingoftwobaaleiteshuva THE EXCEPTIONS We will start with the last question first. Yes, there are actually some nine exceptions to the concept. 1. When the siblings do not live in the same country. We need to explore what the parameters of this actually are, however. Some Poskim apply this leniency even further, stating that it applies to siblings not residing under the same roof (See Shulchan HaEzer 47:1). 2. When the older one agrees to it, Rav Moshe Shternbuch (Vol. I #739) permits it. However, if the older sibling has pain from it, then it is not permitted. 3. The Maharsham (Vol. III #136) writes that when the daughter has reached a mature age, the age of 22, it is permitted. 4. If the older sibling is not following in the path of the Torah, it is also permitted according to the Einayim L’Mishpat, Kiddushin 52a as cited in HaNesuin K’hilchasa 1:54. 5. The aforementioned Maharsham allows it when the younger one went ahead and started dating. 6. When the older sibling is not agreeing to get married by choice. The aforementioned Maharsham entitles this leniency as “Bshaas Hadchak.” 7. When the older sibling has an illness which makes it difficult for him or her to find a shidduch, this is also termed b’shaas hadchak and the Maharsham permits the younger sibling to date. 8. When the parents are not paying for the wedding at all and it is done by the children, the Beis Yechezkel (Siman 60) is lenient. 9. Some Poskim are lenient whenever there is somewhat of a need, tzorech ktzas (Maharash Engel Vol. VI #102; Minchas Elazar Vol. I #163). What would somewhat of a need mean? It would seem that these Poskim hold that if there is any need to do so above that of the regular desire to get married – it would be permitted. It should be noted that the Shulchan HaEzer (Vol. I Siman 47:1) states that regardless of the heterim, it should only be done after consultation with a Bais Din. Others permit it after consultation with a known Gadol and Posaik. RAV MOSHE FEINSTEIN’S APPROACH Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l (Igros Moshe Even HoEzer Vol. II #1) has an entirely different approach to the concept discussed. He writes that, regarding brothers, this issue is only in regard to two of them that have someone available that they […]

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